Jiffy Lube

During halftime of a University of Utah basketball games this year, my friend and I competed in the Bungee Cord Challenge. The “game” is to make baskets at opposite ends of the basketball court. The “challenge” is having a bungee cord tied around your torso that is attached at the opposite end to your friend’s torso. And the “prestige” is starting at mid court and running in opposite directions at the start. I remember it well. After running to a spot just inside the 3-point line I threw up a shot that rattled around the rim for a moment. And just as I saw it fall through the hoop I felt a force pulling me backwards through the air. It wasn’t a surprise to me that I would lose this battle of physics, since my friend outweighs me by a spare tire, but I was somewhat startled to realize that by the time I stopped sliding I would end up somewhere near Rose Park. As it turns out, Swoop, the team mascot, was pulling at my friend’s back as well, so he was also only able to make one shot before the time expired. We tied. Our prizes were a free oil change at Jiffy Lube and the cheers and applause of the crowd.

It took me a few months to get around to using my free coupon, not because my car didn’t need its oil changed (I can drive 3,000 miles in a few weeks), but because it was lost somewhere under my seat and I forgot about it. It wasn’t until I was fishing under my seat for something else, probably my Ipod or an order of cheese fries, that I remembered I had it. The next Saturday I took my car to Jiffy Lube and, with a grin from ear to ear, I handed over my keys and coupon for my free oil change. After the technician hooked my car up to his machine to check the fluids and the hum of the engine, he brought me out and told me of a myriad of things that were wrong with it. He cross sold me on four of them before I told him that that was enough and that I would get the rest next time. My smile was long gone by this time as I realized my free oil change was costing me $160.

Well, today I took myself into the doctor for a checkup. They say you should change the oil on your car every 3,000 miles. I don’t know what the number is on a human being, but I figured 10 years was far over due. The nurses checked my fluids, hooked me up to a machine to listen to my heart, and took an X-ray of my chest. And later, as my physician was literally pointing out my organs to me, I realized how much more I would rather have the oil checked on my car than on myself. But as he sat me down before I left, I was happy that he didn’t have to cross sell me on any further products and that he was able to give me a clean bill of health. In fact, he seamed rather surprised to tell me that my EKG pattern looked similar to that of a marathon runner. I was pretty surprised myself, considering I spend most of my time playing around on my computer, watching DVD’s, or eating Moose Tracks ice cream. Sometimes I do all three at the same time. I gave some of my blood to the lab on my way out, and drove to work with a smile from ear to ear, hoping that my blood results would come back with good marks as well.

I’ve never driven anything but a lemon, but I feel extremely lucky and overly blessed to have a smoothly operating body. If I had to pick, I’d pick the latter any day. Flying backwards through the air with flailing hands and feet to the laughter of 10,000 people is a riot. I can’t imagine the disappointment of having to watch it on TV from a hospital bed.